


Underneath the Tree

by lovesnarf (snarfette)



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Christmas comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 16:29:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21917635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarfette/pseuds/lovesnarf
Summary: 'Cause you are near and everything's clearYou're all I needUnderneath the tree
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 14
Kudos: 68





	Underneath the Tree

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve joined the Christmas fic writing fun. And I’m hoping this has helped me regain some of my writing mojo. 
> 
> The title and summary are from Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Underneath the Tree’. 
> 
> Enjoy! Merry Christmas! 🎄

Aaron sighed as he stepped out of the pub and into the cold night. He smoothed down the front of his jumper, not a gaudy Christmas one - he hadn’t taken part in that tradition for years now. It just didn’t seem the same somehow. 

That was one tradition he’d given up on, but tonight he was going to make sure his other tradition continued. 

It was Christmas Eve. And as had been the way for the last few years, he’d made his way over to the Woolpack with Liv, so his mum could fuss over him and get tipsy and tell him how much she loved him and how the new year would bring something good. And Aaron would nod and allow himself to be pulled into her tight embrace and endure her sloppy kisses on the cheek and smile along with her wishful thinking. 

Maybe she was right. Maybe next year would be the best year of his life. Maybe something good was just around the corner. Who knew what the future held? What surprises lay ahead as yet another long year ended and a new one erupted in a blaze of colourful fireworks that always somehow seemed so muted to Aaron. But deep down, despite his mum’s best efforts and declarations about how he deserved to be happy, he knew that all he wanted was the one thing that there was absolutely no hope of happening.

He walked away from the pub heading down the street. He’d left Liv inside with his mum. This had happened enough times now that she’d learnt not to follow him, not to rush after him in concern. She knew the score. She knew that Aaron wanted to be alone and she knew why. Liv would keep his mum occupied so she didn’t come looking for him and interrupt. Because his mum had never understood - not really. He couldn’t blame her: she just wanted her son to be happy. But she didn’t get it. 

Aaron made his way down the quiet street and then veered off towards the locked up garage. As he approached the door, he released another sigh, before he slipped his key from his pocket and unlocked. Quietly, he stepped inside and pushed the door closed behind him.

It was funny how a place like this could hold so many memories but there was something special about it. It kind of suited them that they’d have so many moments in such an odd setting. He sank down onto the cold floor and leant back against the metal units. He closed his eyes and imagined Robert sitting beside him. He imagined his warmth and his smell and the heat of his hand in Aaron’s. 

God, he missed him. 

It had been over five years and he still couldn’t imagine moving on. He just didn’t want to. No-one else could come close. No-one else could compare to what they had together. 

He’d tried. 

Anger and hurt and desperation to feel _something_ had driven him to some ill-advised one night stands. Whatever he’d felt in those brief moments hadn’t lasted and he’d regretted it immediately afterwards. How could he ever have even hoped that anyone else would make him feel like Robert did? How could he have expected some random hook-up to compare?

And then there had been the time when he’d walked into the pub to find his mum chatting animatedly with some bloke at the bar and giving him some not-so-subtle signals that he really needed to come over and join them. And the hopeful look on her face and the hollow feeling he’d been living with for so long had made his feet move and he’d forced himself to make the effort and talk to the bloke. And he’d been nice. He was good-looking and easy to talk to and they’d even had things in common and for a moment Aaron had been able to see something there. 

His mum had been beaming at him and when the bloke had left, after they’d swapped numbers, Aaron had wondered if maybe this was it, maybe he was finally ready to move on, let go.

There had been a date and then another one and another one and everyone around him had seemed so chuffed and even Aaron had started to think that maybe things were going to be okay. 

And then he’d woken up one morning, emerging from a perfect dream, and been sure that Robert was there beside him, except he wasn’t and it was someone else in their bed with him and everything had come crashing down. Because no-one else came close to Robert and Aaron hated him and loved him in equal measures at that moment. Robert had ruined him forever but he could never regret a single moment of it. He’d never trade any of it for a second. 

He’d been on his own since. He hadn’t tried again. He didn’t want to, not when it was pointless. His mum still tried to nudge him towards dating but Aaron wasn’t interested. He didn’t want anyone else. 

It wasn’t that he was miserable either. The aching pain of losing Robert wasn’t raw like it once had been. He missed him every day, but it was more bearable now. Most days.

Their anniversary was always a bad day - both of them, in fact. His birthday, Robert’s birthday. And Christmas. Christmas hurt because when everyone was full of cheer and excitement and the lights were twinkling all over the village, Aaron was lonely and just wanted his husband back. 

He’d never signed the divorce papers. He’d refused, maybe out of sheer stubbornness or maybe spite. Why the hell did Robert get to demand that without even giving him an explanation? And Robert had never pursued it. The letters from the solicitors had ceased and Aaron had pushed it to the back of his mind. 

They were still married as far as he was concerned. Robert would have to live with it, just like he did.

He thought about Robert often. But sometimes his mind wandered to him and he allowed himself to dwell on it. He hadn’t heard a single word from him since his move to the Isle of Wight. He wondered if Robert ever thought about him, wondered what he was doing, how he was coping with life without him. He wondered what Robert was doing, how prison life was treating him. He tried not to think of his own time locked up. He didn’t want to imagine Robert experiencing anything so horrific: it scared him. He wondered if Robert marked their special days in any way like he did. He wondered if Robert woke up on the morning of their anniversary and felt the same hollow aching pit in his stomach that Aaron did every year. Or maybe he didn’t even acknowledge it. Maybe that was how he made it through the days, by pretending it meant nothing. That thought brought tears to Aaron’s eyes.

He didn’t know how Robert was or how he was coping or if he missed Aaron. But he thought of Robert all the time. 

It was strange that the garage was one of the places he felt closest to Robert, but it was somehow theirs. He passed it most days and usually just walked by, but on nights like this, when it was quiet and he was alone with his thoughts, it brought him closer to the man he loved.

After a while, he pushed himself up off the cold stone floor and, as quietly as he’d entered, he left the garage, locking up on his way out. 

He had one more stop before he went home. 

Hands shoved into his coat pockets, he walked up to the huge Christmas tree in the centre of the village.

He stared up at the top of it and then closed his eyes. He’d come here on Christmas Eve every year for the last four years. He’d needed somewhere to focus his hope and longing. Maybe it was silly, but he wanted to imagine that somewhere in the prison there was probably a Christmas tree that Robert could look at and maybe he had the same urge as he looked at the twinkling lights. Maybe, even if it was only for that moment, Robert thought of him too.

He hadn’t come that first year that Robert had been locked up; too hurt and confused and despairing to be able to think straight let alone come and wish his husband a merry Christmas. But as the next year had rolled by, he’d started to realise what Robert was trying to do. And he’d still been mad at him, still annoyed that Robert thought it was his decision to make, but he hadn’t been able to pretend that he wasn’t still madly in love with him. No matter how Robert was trying to make him move on and ‘set him free’. Idiot. 

“Merry Christmas, Robert,” he murmured as he opened his eyes again and blinked up at the twinkling star on the top of the tree. 

The usual warmth of tears built in his eyes and he hung his head, shaking it and scrubbing at his eyes. 

When he straightened up again, he felt like the breath was ripped from his lungs. 

Standing there beside the tree, illuminated by flickering fairy lights dancing across his skin, was Robert. 

He looked tired and maybe a little wary, but it was Robert.

“Merry Christmas, Aaron,” he said softly. 

Tears tumbled down Aaron’s face and he rushed towards him. Robert held his arms open and Aaron collided with him, nearly sending them both to the floor. 

They clung to one another, desperate and disbelieving. 

Aaron felt Robert’s warmth, and he breathed him in, and he felt Robert’s arms wrapped tightly around him. 

This was real. 

He pulled back and shook his head slightly, his eyes roaming Robert’s face and down his body. Robert was thinner, carried himself a little differently, his skin was paler - there was a story to be told, Aaron could tell - but the same sparkle was in his eyes. The same love shone from him as he gazed back at Aaron. 

“How?” he breathed out as his hand reached up to cup the side of Robert’s face. 

“We appealed the charge, got it reduced to manslaughter. With time served, I was due to be released.” Robert said it so simply, like it had been easy, like it hadn’t been hell for him. Aaron knew he was pretending. 

“You’re home?” Aaron asked quietly. He didn’t dare believe it could be true.

Robert blinked at him. He looked haunted suddenly. 

“If you’ll have me,” he murmured. “Aaron...” he swallowed thickly. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t,” Aaron told him. “We’ve got time to talk about what an idiot you are. I don’t care right now. You’re home. You’re with me. You’re exactly where you should be and that’s all that matters.”

“I love you,” Robert told him. “I never stopped.”

Aaron surged forwards then and kissed him. He felt Robert’s arms tighten around his back and he felt whole for the first time in years. 

“I love you too,” he said as he pulled back and smiled at his husband. 

He was already imagining a new tradition. His trips to the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve weren’t going to be lonely anymore. 

**Author's Note:**

> I’m snarfettelove on tumblr.
> 
> Feedback would be lovely.


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